Whenever I visit NYC, I like to imagine I'm living somewhere on the Upper West Side (or Greenwich Village, depending on my mood), in a cute but not too expensive brownstone (with a stoop in front, of course). I'd get bagels every Saturday from H&H bagels, enough for the week, shop at Zabar's, and generally feel very good about my life. On weekends with nice weather, I'd head over to Central Park to enjoy the scenery and read a book, walk along the Hudson River, and be close enough to visit any New York landmark that strikes my fancy.
In my imaginary Upper West Side world, I don't think I'd actually have a job, or if I did, it would be a cool one like running the world's cutest children's book store a la Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail (my original inspiration for the whole Upper West Side thing). Or teaching but earning enough to live on the Upper West Side. Clearly this is all in my imagination. Earning a teacher's salary and living on the Upper West Side don't go together unless I'm married/living with a very rich man.
Though surprisingly, there isn't a man in the cute brownstone apartment. Or if there is, he stays away in the background (the ideal man perhaps?)
I tend to do this imagining thing when I'm in a strange but cool city. What would it be like to live here, I wonder, and then my imagination (honed over many, many years of being forced to use my imagination growing up because of my lack of cable television and voracious reading habits) takes off.
These are some of the thoughts that occupy my mind and distract me from the fact that I've been rejected from yet another job interview (VSDB if anyone is keeping tabs).
Well, I didn't get the job at The Learning Center, I'm afraid. I interviewed for a job at the Virginia school for the Deaf and Blind on Wednesday over the phone, but I don't feel particularly good about it. Then on Friday I took off for NYC for a quick stopover at Emily's before heading down tomorrow to the greater DC area (Fairfax) for another job interview on Tuesday. Then back home.
I wish I would just get a job already.
Today in New York we ran into the gay pride parade. It was very long- went on for hours, even in a sheer downpour. Now I believe we are listening to the distant sound of gay pride fireworks. We can't see them from the apartment...
Currently watching the movie "Shirley Valentine." It's good, but I think they should have tried harder to make it a movie, not a filmed version of the play in the actual places. The reason I say that is because she spends a lot of time talking to the wall.. monologues in a play are fine, in movies they are bizarre.
I'm afraid this isn't interesting at all. So I'll end it.
Had my first interview for this year yesterday at The Learning Center for the Deaf in Framingham, MA. I feel it went well. I'd met my interviewers at least once before (one I'd met twice). I felt nervous for the last few days and I'm very glad it's over. They won't be getting back to me until mid-to-late June, though, so I've got a while to wait.
In the meantime, I've got lots of Sex and the City to enjoy until then. I bought the boxed set (I know, I know, my wallet's gonna feel that one, but it costs about as much as buying each season individually, so I might as well bite the bullet and just get it. So far I've made it to season 2 (starting from the beginning) and I'm glad I bought it. I might regret it a little next month, but in the end, it will be worth it.
All right... I've only got 5 days teaching left!!! I can't believe it, and I'm going to miss my boys. My first year of teaching done. You'll have to wait for my memoirs to really know what happened this year. It sure was a doozy.
New favorite song: A Cold World by The Electric Soft Parade
I got it free from iTunes i don't even know how long ago, and for some reason, I've just recently found it and loved it. It's got a great beat and tune.
Recently I've had odd dreams- very mundane dreams about ordinary things, but why? For instance, I had a dream that I found something I've been searching for. And i dreamed that I told my mom about something I had bought that I was really excited about.
Last night, in addition to mundane dreams, I did have a dream that I, or a close person to me, were near an aquarium tank with a shark in it, and ended up sinking, with the dreaded feeling of being eaten or drowning. I woke up at 4:30 am (damn birds) and had to roll over and convince my brain to think of something else, something happy.
It's a very odd feeling to wake up and go through your day and wonder if you'd really found that thing or if you'd just dreamed it. Amazing what your brain can convince you of.
Really? May? I can hardly believe it. I'm nearly finished with my first year of teaching.
Let me tell you, I have learned a lot this year. Not just from my students, or from fellow teachers, or from the administration, or from friends and life. It's a mish-mash of learning that comes with being in a new place with new people, but not losing touch with old friends and places.
I discovered another piece of myself this year, which I'm glad about. I discovered that I can, in fact, be a real teacher. Sometimes I forget about this when I feel all those doubts creep in, reminding me about past failures and making me doubt my abilities. And this can happen quite often, let me tell you.
But I discovered a faith in myself that I hope will carry me into my next adventure, wherever or however that may be. I know that I need to discover this faith for myself, because no matter how much a person means to me, them telling me that I'm a good person/teacher isn't going to make me believe them if I don't feel the same way myself. Self esteem is a very major, very important thing. If you don't have faith or confidence in yourself, you won't treat yourself the way you should be treated and others will do the same.
I'm trying hard not to be such a doormat. I'm not always successful, but I'm getting there.
I'm going to be a work in progress, I know it. Maybe by the time I'm 80 I'll be a masterpiece. Wouldn't that be nice?
Hallelujah. Spring break is two days away. I'm leaving for NYC Friday at 6 pm via the bus. I'll be staying with Emily until Tuesday evening, when I will then traverse to Washington DC for a few days, then back to NYC for the last 24 hours or so. Maybe more.
I'm so excited for warmth, walking, and wonderfulness. And not having to be in school for 5 days. That means Emma will most likely be quite happy.
And constantly on the lookout for things for my classroom.
I can make it, I can make it...
oh nuts i have to pack and clean.
I watched "Across the Universe" last night and LOVED it. I was a little nervous, when it came out, that somehow they would slaughter the Beatles' music and that the story would be contrived and shmaltzy, but I found it to be quite the opposite. It was a really good musical that I anticipate will be on Broadway soon. The music and the story blended together very well, and I know it was blessed by the remaining Beatles and the deceased Beatles' family. The filmmakers made sure that there were many allusions to the Beatles' lyrics throughout the movie, not only in character's names but in other ways.
The story was quite strong, but I really appreciated the music. I've been singing the songs since I watched the movie. I loved how they used well-known songs, such as "Hey Jude" and "All You Need is Love," but also introduced me to some lesser-known songs such as "Dear Prudence" and "Because." Songs that are known mostly by those who listened to the Beatles' records all the way through many times, something that my generation for the majority has not done.
I was so pleased that all the actors were able to sing and sang WELL. I love Nicole Kidman, but her voice was not very good and to carry a musical such as "Moulin Rouge" was something I don't think she did really well at. Don't get me wrong, clearly she was chosen not for her vocal quality, but I think that they could have easily found an actress who was beautiful and had a stronger voice. Jim Sturgess is quite beautiful and so is his voice. What a find. And he's starring in "21" in theaters currently. While I'm not the biggest fan of Evan Rachel Wood, I have to say that her voice was quite good and she fit the part physically as well.
I recommend this movie to all who read this, Beatles fan or not. (Is there anyone out there who isn't? I highly doubt it.)
I Netflixed a show that was briefly on Fox in 2004, Wonderfalls. And I love it. It's quirky and funny and touching. And damn is Tyron somebody- the guy who plays the romantic interest Eric- HOT. Makes my stomach do that flip-floppy thing when they kiss- it's been a while since I've had that feeling. And the main character's brother is played by the uber-cute Lee Pace, star of one of the best shows from this past fall, Pushing Daisies. Plus, all men aside, I identify with the main character's station in life.
I recommend Wonderfalls to anyone who reads this (which is approximately 2 people, maybe.)
Should I go brunette again? Feeling sick of my hair style/color all of a sudden (well, not all of a sudden, but it's been a growing problem lately.)
School is going somewhat better, but I'm constantly frustrated with myself in aspects other than direct teaching. Unfortunately, I was kept awake by my brain last night until about 3 am, which always sucks. I went to an informal meeting about a master's program for education in the area. I'd sign up for it.. but I'm not sure how long I'll be here. Not that I don't like the majority of the people I work with (basically the entire preschool team) and I want to have job security, but it's not feeling so secure. I don't know... I've been looking into applying for other jobs and I'm back to where I was a year ago.
For goodness sake, I thought I'd past that stage! For a while at least. Oh boy.
Well, I got my students. I now have a total of five students, with more on the way, I'm sure. That's going well. However, I'm finding myself meeting challenges that I hadn't expected when the preschool position was thrown at me. I don't want to go into detail here because I worry about a paper trail, but I must say that these challenges are far more difficult and serious than having a fairly large classroom of students, not to discount those wonderful teachers that find classes difficult.
I'm feeling pretty stressed out because of this situation, but am so grateful for all those wonderful people I work with who are understanding and supportive. I truly appreciate it.
There are wonderful things in my life right now, and things that I desperately wish I could change. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and trying to do better. I hope things work out better than I'm worrying they will now.
On a great note, the RSC was reunited last weekend and wonderful things happened. I desperately needed the release and to stop thinking about all that is stressing me from school.
I have so much to think about, I'm not sure I know where to start. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make this a happier post. I hope that I might be able to in future. Wish me luck.
I may have an integrated preschool class starting next Wednesday. A week! A WEEK! A week to prepare for more students, more parents, more... WHAT?? HAVEN'T I GONE THROUGH ENOUGH?!
Um, so if you can't tell, I'm very anxious and scared and worried and stressed... all rolled into one. I'm nervous. There is so much to get ready for and I'm not there yet. I just went through all these feelings already! In August/September! Why must I go through them all over again??
I'll get through it, because I have to. I'll take it one day at a time, one thing at a time.
To help, I went and played piano for an hour in the music room on the fourth floor. It was lovely.
